The State of Christmas

December 22, 2017

 

My fellow Americans, the state of Christmas is strong. In fact, they’re telling me that it’s never been stronger. Think about it: our nation’s capital is back in Republican hands, the trees are decorated at the White House, Capitol (and Trump Hotel, and aren’t they beautiful, folks?), and people are saying “Merry Christmas” again. And how about that? Merry Christmas! Oh boy, I’ve been waiting to say that a long time. C’mon, let’s say it together. It’s ok, Obama can’t do anything to you now. Merry Christmas!

 

Out nation is witnessing record high stock market growth, record low unemployment for the post-Great Recession economy, and the best consumer confidence we’ve seen in ten years. Wow, isn’t that amazing? I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty confident. And to help spur the American economy forward even more, we have just enacted the largest tax reform package in decades. You may have heard of it; it’s called the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act. And folks, it is a great package. We cut your taxes and return your money to where it belongs: your wallet. Because the American people know best how to spend your own money. Isn’t that right? In addition to slashing the individual income taxes for middle class families and our nation’s taxpayers, we also doubled your standard deduction and, how about this, we repealed the terrible and unamerican Obamacare Individual Mandate, so that you, the people of this great country, can make your own healthcare choices again. Alright? Christmas came early for you.

 

Our tax reform bill also reduced the corporate tax rate from 35%, the highest in the world, by a lot, down to 21%, so that America can better compete, and more importantly, beat other countries in attracting jobs and investment. You hear that? Jobs. That’s the jobs part of the Tax Cuts and Jobs Act. We’re gonna make it cheaper for new companies to start up or come in and hire you folks out there. Isn’t that just great? You’re gonna have more jobs! How does that sound? And here’s some news, they just handed this to me backstage, many companies are giving Christmas bonuses to their employees because of this tax plan. It’s Christmas, folks. I call it the Trump Christmas Tax Reform: it’s just the gift that keeps on giving. AT&T said it will give $1,000 Christmas bonuses to more than 200,000 of its employees, they said holiday bonuses but I said we’re saying Merry Christmas again so they’re Christmas bonuses, and invest an additional $1 billion in the U.S. in 2018. Infrastructure, so very important. Speaking of infrastructure, Comcast said it’s going to invest more than $50 billion on US-based infrastructure over the next five years, so huge, and give $1,000 Christmas bonuses to 100,000 frontline and non-executive employees, the people who deserve the bonuses, am I right? And listen to this: Wells Fargo and Fifth Third Bankcorp are raising their minimum wages to $15 an hour. So great. They’re getting a raise because of this big beautiful tax reform bill. That’s better than the Democrats have ever done, right?

 

We’ve made America prosperous again, we’ve made Christmas merry again, so now we’re going to focus on making America safe again. Have you seen the pictures coming out of Europe of little kids surrounded by cement barricades and soldiers? All they want to do is take a picture next to the tree and they need to worry about getting hit by one of these crazy refugees. I’ve directed my administration to focus on keeping the bad guys out of our country by renewing the travel ban, very important, and ordering the construction of multiple prototypes for the southern border wall. In fact, I plan on inspecting these big beautiful wall designs very soon, and we’ll get that wall built. Trust me, we’ll get it done.

 

I want to leave you all with time to spend with your families or to get some last-minute Christmas shopping done. So Merry Christmas, everyone, and have a Happy New Year! We’ll see you in 2018!

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