The Enshrinement of Obamacare

July 8, 2017


The Republican-controlled government’s effort to make good on their nearly-a-decade-old promise to repeal Obamacare is officially a nightmare on the level of Napoleon’s march on Moscow or the Chinese intervention in the Korean War. Virtually overnight, a GOP caucus bound by their universal contempt for the Affordable Care Act fractured into several hundred whiny cucks and the possibility of ending this nation-wide cancer on American healthcare went up in smoke. How did we get here? How did the Republican Party slide from their zenith of power, fueled consistently from the beginning by the voter’s hatred of the Obamacare federal overreach, into this morass of fringe reforms and threats of bipartisan insurance company bailouts? In a word: welfare.


 A prescient tweet last month postulated exactly what the American people want in an Obamacare “repeal”: everything for free and the ability to say they’re not taking a government handout. To stand on the shoulders of such Twitter giants, the average Republican senator wants two things from any Obamacare repeal: a federal check for every voter and the ability to say he slew Obama’s pet monster. Moderate Republicans from the Midwest, like Senator Rob Portman of Ohio, want more than the $45 billion earmarked to fight opioid addiction, a give originally believed to be so large as to buy their votes outright. The real RINOs, like Senator Susan Collins of Maine and Governor (retching noise) John Kasich (retching noise) of Ohio want the US Senate’s Obamacare repeal to include more funding for state Medicaid expansion, to add more deserving voters to the welfare rolls. Meanwhile, GOP leadership insists that an individual mandate must remain in the repeal in some form to protect insurance companies while true reforms like the ability for consumers to shop across state lines (a Trump 2016 campaign promise) and Senator Ted Cruz’s idea to allow companies and consumers to opt-out of federal regulations are considered non-starters. And to cap it all off, Majority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky keeps threatening dissenters that a failure to pass a partisan Obamacare “repeal” will require a bipartisan bailout for insurance companies to “stabilize the insurance market” that Obamacare destroyed in the first place. Imagine that for a second: keeping Obamacare alive by paying insurance companies to keep offering the crappy plans the government mandates, all with the help of the very Democrats that built Obamacare to fail in the first place!


It’s hard to fault a pack of spineless cowards for acting spineless and cowardly. After all, it’s blatantly obvious now that Republican leadership had no desire for or expectation of victory in 2016 after Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio dropped out. Thrust into power by voters they fundamentally don’t understand, our elected Republicans are unable to differentiate between Tea Partiers and Democrat plants in their townhalls, leading them to assume that voters don’t want to actually repeal Obamacare. Y’all just want your state-sponsored goodies, right? Throw in a few polls that suggest Americans finally like the ACA and DING, it’s RINO mating season on Capitol Hill. But it’s instructive, going into Primary 2018 campaign season for conservatives to look inward and determine if they’re ready to put the steel back into the spine of the Republican Party (or at least the fear of defeat).


Conservative voter, what was your objection to the Affordable Care Act when it was passed all those years ago? Since I’ve put you on the spot, let me go first: I hated how Obamacare forced an entire industry, one that thrives on innovation and private investment, under the federal government’s heel with recklessly idiotic regulation. I hated how it forced, at IRS gunpoint, the healthy to subsidize the sick and the young to sponsor the poor while the Democrats, THE DEMOCRATS, used the American people’s penchant for voluntary charity against them. I hate how it voided ever individual’s health insurance plan for the sake of checking a bureaucratic box that virtually none of its supporters read. I hated how it spiked healthcare costs with no recourse for Americans but to suffer through it. I hated how it sold a bunch of bleeding-hearted morons an impossible utopian dream of Medicaid for all while cynically raising everyone’s taxes (thanks, Chief Justice John Roberts!) to build an omnibus with planned obsolescence, and all so President Hillary Clinton could usher in the single-payer apocalypse of Hillarycare II. I hated how the whole thing was built on, to quote Ann Coulter, a miasma of lies. Most of all, I hated how infectious it was and how it permeated every aspect of the American identity, like a virus, and how hard it would be to entirely remove.


Friends, Trumpers, conservatives, lend me your ears! Obamacare does nothing better than a free market could, and it does a great many things worse than a free market would tolerate. Our Republican government is fumbling on Obamacare repeal because they think they’ll be punished in 2018 for ending it. It is up to we the voters to show Republicans that their punishment for reforming Obamacare will pale in comparison to the electoral disaster that will befall them if they fail to repeal Obamacare and move American healthcare back to a free market. Being sick sucks, as does not having insurance before getting sick, but as the recent drama surrounding terminally Charlie Gard reveals, socialized medicine is far more insidious.


We need you, fellow conservatives, to remind Republicans why they’re in power. Go to their townhalls and let them know, loudly, that we expect them to keep their promise and repeal Obamacare root and branch. 



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